Sucks ass. Especially when you can’t afford to buy anything. Is there anything worse? It’s like a unique form of torture we put ourselves through because, of course, most girls do not want to go shopping by themselves. It’s genetically encoded that we do things in pairs. And, in the name of friendship, you go and browse, and hope to find something 75% off but you never do. You. Never. Do.
Certainly many females have evolved and find it perfectly acceptable to shop solo (the highly evolved are also now capable of going to the bathroom solo but it’s a rare trait yet). I like to count myself among the evolved few. I feel no need to shop or pee with assistance. It ain’t my thing. However, I do recognize and accept that others do.
Shopping in pairs dates back to the times of hunting and gathering. If one female was attacked by a saber tooth tiger the other would theoretically survive (because a) they could run faster and b) the tiger was already full) and report the demise of the other female back to the clan. Then, as the clans grew and evolved and started wearing camo (because back then it was a survival tool and not just a horrible fashion trend) their friend was there to give then a second opinion, “Ohhhh hell no, Kronkette, that doesn’t blend in with anything! You’re going to get eaten for damn sure! Fool!” Is what the friend would have said if Kronkette hadn’t looked better in the camo than she did and now she wanted Kronette to get eaten. Fucking bitch.
So anyways, there I was along for the shopping ride. Watching silently as my friend went into store after store after store buying all the things, bored, annoyed, wanting to rip my hair out… Is that what guys feel like when they take their girlfriends shopping? Maybe not since (hopefully) there’s nothing in those stores they’d want to buy for themselves. If they did I feel like that’d be a whole other problem altogether: “No sweetie, those red skinny jeans aren’t doing anything for you but they’d look dynamite on me! Hold my satchel while I try them on. No I don’t need a different size.” Oh no he didn’t!
Oh shopping, why are you never as fun as I hope you’re going to be? Thou art a fickle friend.