No, My Kitchen Floor is Not Clean Enough to Eat Off of

I know this for a fact. I was just sitting on it eating a slice of cake and damn that thing is nasty. Not the cake, the cake was good. The floor is nasty. It is a veritable hodgepodge/melee/quagmire of horse hair, Megan hair, hay, cat hair (and whatever miscellaneous debris the barn cats bring in with them – seriously, there could be mouse guts), not to mention random bits of foodstuffs that I’ve dropped and most likely purposefully not picked up again because I am a lazy fuck.

In Meganland, eating on the floor is a completely rational, normal and acceptable thing to do. In fact, it’s encouraged. So is drinking on the floor. Usually eating on the floor is limited to ice cream but I decided to be a mite decadent tonight.  There is but one rule: No Oreo’s and milk on the floor. That is to be consumed anywhere but. Don’t ask why. We don’t encourage questions in Meganland. Actually, that’s a lie. But Meganland is still very much ruled by martial law.

Ka and might I add, pow.

I think I’ll hang my head in shame and clean my kitchen tonight.

2 thoughts on “No, My Kitchen Floor is Not Clean Enough to Eat Off of

  1. Our houses must be related, you know, sharing the hairy family trait. I wager mine may be dirtier than yours: two dogs (one of which is a puppy who likes to dig), two cats, a horse, me (lots of hair…) and my hubby (less hair). Also, you should get a dog to manage your food-on-the-floor problem. They’re better than vacuum cleaners, at food pick up anyway.

    • I had to leave my dog with my parents 😦 There’s already a dog on this property who doesn’t take too kindly to canine intruders on her domain. However, Oden (my dog) has fairly high standards for what he will inject and actually doesn’t do a very good job of cleaning my parents kitchen floor. I may or may not feed my dog with a fork. hehehe

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