The Magic of the Text Emoticon

Ah the smiley face :), the winky face ;), the sticking-out-tongue face 😛

Without them, WWIII would have undoubtedly started by now.

Their mere presence in a text conversation forgives a myriad of sins. One can be as blatantly bitchy as one wants as long as one of these all-powerful symbols is present.

Without emoticons:

Girl 1 to Girl 2: “I can’t believe you slept with him at his grandmother’s dog’s memorial service! Zomg, you are like such an immortal, Godless, heathen of a slut.”

Girl 2 to Girl 1: “I was comforting him you psycho hose beast! Friendship over! Ima nuke yo house!”

With emoticons:

Girl 1 to Girl 2: “I can’t believe you slept with him at his grandmother’s dog’s memorial service! Zomg, you are like such an immortal, Godless, heathen of a slut. ;)”

Girl 2 to Girl 1: “I knooowwwww. It was awkward. The picture of the dog stared at us the entire time. Oh well, how was your day?”

See what I mean?

Emoticons are kind of like a safety net. You can flirt shamelessly with a guy over text as long as you add the emoticon – otherwise he’ll try to use anything you say as a binding legal document.

Guy: “You see, Your Honor, there it is! In writing! She said she’d do this and this and she didn’t say she’d do this but she clearly implied it here. I mean, if she didn’t want any of this she would have used an emoticon, right?”

Girl: “Objection!”

Judge: “Overruled. It’s clear to me that certain acts of a sexual nature were discussed and agreed upon over text creating a binding textual agreement. Would the defendant please approach the bench.”

Girl walks up to the judge. Judge covers microphone. “You’re a naughty little minx, aren’t you?” and winks lasciviously.

Girl whips out her phone and texts the judge: “You’re a disgusting pig 😉 ” -the emoticon saving her from being in contempt of court.

I think it’s clear that the emoticon has become a pillar of our society. Without it we’d fall to social ruin. Praise the emoticon! Worship it for all its power and pray that it never forsakes us.

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6 thoughts on “The Magic of the Text Emoticon

  1. Pingback: I Think I’m a Bad Blogger | Crazy with a Chance of Rain

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