The internet isn’t really anonymous enough for me to feel completely comfortable posting this… Oh well.
I’ve recently joined up with Match.com because I’m single and in today’s society that is bad. For the most part I’m happy being single – I don’t do well with my own feelings let alone those of another person (actually, that’s misleading, I find other people’s feelings must easier to deal with because they allow me to ignore my own. Thus the problem.). However, I do freely admit that at times I miss being in a couple – which is how I found myself signed up for a dating site. Well, one of my best friends signed me up as my birthday present. I’ve been single for three years and she was so excited when I showed some interest in dating! So, while giggling on the phone, I set up a profile and she gave me her credit card info.
Unfortunately, Match.com is slowly sucking my will to live.
When you fill out a profile you not only list your own attributes but those that you’re looking for in another.
So here’s Megan all eager and excited to shop for a new boy and what does she see? Profile after profile after goddamn profile stating the superficial fucktard is looking for “slender” and/or “athletic and toned” – neither of which am I.
Normally I feel pretty good about myself. I like who I am. Which, if I had to choose, I think is more important than liking the way I look. Do I want to lose weight? Yeah, of course. Am I working on it? Yes. As hard as I could be? Definitely not. A large part of me rails against the idea of getting fit just so I can get a few more dates with douches who are more concerned with the size of my ass than the crazy, wonderful individual I am. Then, of course, there’s the little devil inside who says drop the weight, make ’em want you, and then tell them to go fuck themselves. Muahahaha.
Part of it, I think, is that I wear my weight as a shield. If some guy is interested in me when I look like this then he must really like, well, me! Right? Ugg, I may or may not have a few issues to work out still…
Then of course there’s the whole issue of attraction. Are we more attracted to a specific body type or the personality behind that body? Could you be in love with someone for their personality but be so repulsed by their body that sex was rendered an impossibility? Or, does love create attraction?
I dunno, what do you think? What’s your experience, dear faceless internet? Because I’m at a total fucking loss.