Internet dating can suck it

The internet isn’t really anonymous enough for me to feel completely comfortable posting this… Oh well.

I’ve recently joined up with Match.com because I’m single and in today’s society that is bad. For the most part I’m happy being single – I don’t do well with my own feelings let alone those of another person (actually, that’s misleading, I find other people’s feelings must easier to deal with because they allow me to ignore my own. Thus the problem.). However, I do freely admit that at times I miss being in a couple – which is how I found myself signed up for a dating site. Well, one of my best friends signed me up as my birthday present. I’ve been single for three years and she was so excited when I showed some interest in dating! So, while giggling on the phone, I set up a profile and she gave me her credit card info.

Unfortunately, Match.com is slowly sucking my will to live.

When you fill out a profile you not only list your own attributes but those that you’re looking for in another.

So here’s Megan all eager and excited to shop for a new boy and what does she see? Profile after profile after goddamn profile stating the superficial fucktard is looking for “slender” and/or “athletic and toned” – neither of which am I.

Normally I feel pretty good about myself. I like who I am. Which, if I had to choose, I think is more important than liking the way I look. Do I want to lose weight? Yeah, of course. Am I working on it? Yes. As hard as I could be? Definitely not. A large part of me rails against the idea of getting fit just so I can get a few more dates with douches who are more concerned with the size of my ass than the crazy, wonderful individual I am. Then, of course, there’s the little devil inside who says drop the weight, make ’em want you, and then tell them to go fuck themselves. Muahahaha.

Part of it,  I think, is that I wear my weight as a shield. If some guy is interested in me when I look like this then he must really like, well, me! Right? Ugg, I may or may not have a few issues to work out still…

Then of course there’s the whole issue of attraction. Are we more attracted to a specific body type or the personality behind that body? Could you be in love with someone for their personality but be so repulsed by their body that sex was rendered an impossibility? Or, does love create attraction?

I dunno, what do you think? What’s your experience, dear faceless internet? Because I’m at a total fucking loss.

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13 thoughts on “Internet dating can suck it

  1. I cannot even figure out dating enough to ponder some of those questions. Match.com is not my cup of tea. It is too much work for me. haha I think I am attracted to personality far more than I am body types. I cannot stand a vapid, uninformed man no matter how pretty he is and he sure as hell better make me laugh, appreciate my sense of humor. Oh and give me lots of room when I need it. So I think I am looking for a ghost at this point. (My bad!) One day I will get this dating thing figured out or just plain decide it just is not for me.

    • LOL I pretty much feel the same way! Especially about needing space and the sense of humor. If you’re not laughing, what’s the point?

  2. My whole life I wanted to be skinny, after 2 kids and a few surgeries I never will be. But I am ok with that, instead of being skinny, I want to be strong. Barbie cant lift a 50 lb bag of sweet feed and carry it to the barn, and she sure as fuck cant carry the damn salt block either. Stack 20 bales of hay into a tiny ass little shed, yeah she would break in half. I have no help for dating, I met my husband at Pizza Hut. I am just glad he weighs more than me, even if its only 10 pounds at almost a foot taller. But I agree if they really like YOU then they will not care about the weight. And I know for a fact that most men that are worth being with don’t want to be with Barbie because her hip bones give them bruises.

    • I understand the weight-as-a-shield thing. I didn’t commit to getting healthy until after I got married, mostly because I was never going to get fit to appease anonymous douchebags. I did it so I could be healthy, which has been great, but now I realize that getting fit has changed so many aspects of my life, that maybe I shouldn’t have waited so long…
      Online dating is such a crap-shoot. I wish you luck!

  3. I met my husband through an online dating site. Online dating has lots of disadvantages, as you’re clearly discovering, but it has one huge advantage, and that’s to widen your dating pool. My husband and I would never have met in any of the traditional ways: we didn’t have friends in common, or hobbies, we’re in different professional fields, and neither of us went to bars. He sent me a message because my profile contained a line from a song by a band we both like; that slimmest of things in common was enough to get us chatting online, which turned into meeting for coffee, which turned into dinner and a movie, blah blah blah.

    There is shallowness to online dating, but it works both ways; usually women are judging men just as harshly as men as judging women. I have to admit, my hubby and I met because he messaged me; he wouldn’t have come up in my search results because he’s short. Yep, I had that same insistence that so many women do, that they only want to date a tall man. I’m so glad I overlooked that and went on a date with him anyway. It would have been dumb of me to miss out on a man who’s smart, funny, cute, loyal, honest and successful because he had short parents. On meeting him in person we had clear mutual attraction even though on paper he wasn’t “my type”. Me limiting my searches to men taller than 5’10 was just as shallow as a man saying he only wants to meet a woman who is slender and toned (hell, at least it’s in my power to become slender and toned; my hubby ain’t never going to be 5’10 no matter what he does).

    So my take is, keep your mind open, explore, meet people, have fun, laugh off the losers, see where it takes you. If you want men not to judge you for shallow physical things make sure you’re not judging men for shallow physical things. Good luck.

  4. I jumped through the 9 million hoops on e-harmony (just for kicks as I had no intention of signing up, since their adverts make me want to yak), and was told that, on account of the nature of my (honest) answers, they were unable to match me with anyone suitable. No wonder I’m single, huh?!

    This is my sole experience of internet dating, so to say I’m not encouraged is an understatement! I also figure that most men who use sites like that will be disappointed to see my less-than-slender figure (and even more disappointed to discover the rolling tides of insanity that crash through the personality beneath), so there’s not much point anyway.

    So yea, I’m feeling your pain. I’m more interested in a quirky, quick witted chap, with a good sense of humour and a heck of a lot of patience, than a male model, with the IQ of a sub-normal hamster. I guess men who think the same are few and far between!

  5. I dunno…if the person is dead set on the fit, athletic girl on his profile…and that’s all he cares to hear from, you don’t need him anyways. Be honest and truthful in your profile…most people try to make themselves sound like something they aren’t, and therefore, they keep finding the people they don’t want and/or don’t want them. I think the thing you need to realize is that if you really want results off of a dating website, post about who you are…and post pictures that show you as you are. If they don’t like what they see, oh the fuck well, cuz that is YOU. If you’re on there to date people, you don’t want to be one of those idiots with the photoshopped pic and the perfect job/life that you really don’t have. It took, me over three years of being on dating websites to find someone that was a true match. That’s fine with me though, cuz we have been inseparable ever since. One of the first things he said was how my profile struck him as true (as did his to me). And, when I met him in person for the first time, he expressed relief cuz apparently he had gone on a few dates where the person looked/acted nothing like their profile(which I had experienced myself). What’s the point in beefing yourself up on a profile anyways? If you are really looking to meet/date that person, they sure as fuck better like who you actually are, right? (and vice versa, I am super busy, and really hate when people waste my free time! 😛 )

    • Meow has some great points about online dating. The safety stuff about meeting in public is important too, but I guess I figured that was common sense. I always suggested meeting at the Starbucks in Chapters, because not only was it very public, it leads naturally to talking about books and reading, and if he doesn’t read, then I know it ain’t gonna work.

      I think you have to take a profile where someone says they want someone slender and athletic, etc. with a grain of salt… maybe some guys genuinely wouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t fit that, but I think a lot of people are filling those things out thinking about their wildest-dreams, completely perfect ideal, and are perfectly prepared to date people who don’t perfectly match that. I mean, I wanted James Bond, but I married Leonard from Big Bang Theory. I think most people understand the difference between their ideal fantasy and their realistic matches, but you can’t really blame them for setting their goals high on a dating profile.

  6. My neighbor used to be quite into it. Be careful. She would take her own car to meet them at a public location. If the guy was a creep she was safe, AND he did not know where she lived-so he couldn’t become a stalker! On the rare occasions she felt it was ok to finally have the guy at her house she let me know, and she was to call me at a certain time to say things were going good, or I’d be coming over busting in the door.
    Sorry for the negatives-but it’s a freaky world out there. On the positive side my brother met his wife on one of those sites, worked for them 🙂 He is so shy he likely would’ve died a virgin if he hadn’t ventured into the net LOL!
    On the body thing….well…..to be honest I used to be in fantastic shape. Had a gym approach me to sponser me as a fitness model, in fact. And you know what? Had ZERO luck in love. Everyone and their brother was after me, but no one loved ME for ME! And sadly men will hang out and BS a long time if they want you, found that out. I’d make ’em wait six months before any intimacy-and that STILL did not weed out the people who just wanted a notch on their belt. All I ever got was games, lies and heartbreak, while my chunky pals were getting married and being loved!
    Nice guys had the preconceived notion that I would be bitchy, stuck up, a bimbo or they would not be “good enough”.
    Only players and assholes ever approached me. I stopped dating for years and instead took delight in scaring them away from me, my pals called me “Man-Away” LOL!
    It took me til 45 to find someone who loved me for me, a few years older and 15 lbs heavier. And he is a nice sweet guy, who has told me he would have never gone near me when we were younger.
    Being a knock out did me no good in life at all-I suppose if one wants to be a gold digger it would be good, but if looking for real love? You can end up very very bitter…..
    So be who you are and look how you want to lady!!!! If it filters out those shallow idiots who see us as objects to collect, all the better 🙂 Someone will love YOU, not your booty or waistline!

  7. Well, I wandered over here from Snarky! I’ll admit, I miss reading rants about horrible horse care and breeding. Gawd knows I do a lot of that re: dogs.

    I love it: man shopping. Ain’t that the truth about these sites?!

    I’ve been debating this whole internet dating thing, too. I haven’t gone on a date in over three years! My apparent undesirability makes me doubt myself All.The.Time. which I’m pretty sure just makes a Catch-22. My friends are encouraging me to do it, but I’m not sure I should take the jump. Dating sucks. Dating strangers has got to suck worse. I think I’d rather be set up, but my world is a bubble right now because of where I’m at in life (grad school).

    I guess I’m posting just to say I understand it’s hard to get back out there. But good job for doing it! If Match.com ends up not being your medium, at least you tried.

    • Thanks for reading! (There should be some posts coming up on Snarky soon… it’s not dead! I promise! Also, there will occasionally be horse posts here because I doubt I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut lol)

  8. Oh, sweetie, I feel you. I’ve been doing this online dating thing on and off forEVER. In rural areas. In cities. DOESN’T MATTER. I’ve actually seriously dated a couple of guys I’ve met on match before, one of whom was the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. The other… the worst. OKCupid has never yielded a long-term thing, though. Ah well. It fuels my blog, in any case.

    I think it’s good to get out there. Go on a few mediocre dates (my motto? No such thing as a bad date. Just good dates and good stories!). Maybe it’ll make you a little bit jaded, but I think that’s okay, too. There are a lot of superficial douchemonkies out there and I’d rather be a little guarded against the jerks (even if some of that guarding is a layer of soft-and-squishy that some of the boys claim they don’t want to touch… my fat is my filter, baby! And it comes with fabulous boobs!). At the very least, you’ll figure out who you DON’T want to date, and you can narrow that pool of potentials down a little bit more.

    And honestly, if you end up canceling your subscription before finding the man of your dreams, more power to ya! There are too many people that AREN’T comfortable with being single and I wish I had more friends who ARE comfortable with that. Being alone does NOT always mean I’m being lonely. In fact, I feel less alone where I am in my life now than I ever have before and it is SO LIBERATING. Now I know that I can be as choosy as I want with a potential mate because my life is so damned good without one, the mate I pick had better rock the socks offa me! You deserve the same, hilarious, horse-loving blogger!

    Good luck out there. You got it, girl.

    PS The last man I met in person who I thought I wanted to date (who fit nearly every one of my criteria in my “job posting” post PLUS he loves horses and even said the words “I miss my horses” and “tell me more about your horse” to me… SWOON) turned out to be gay. AT LEAST THE INTERNET LETS YOU FILTER OUT THE IMPOSSIBLES.

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