Friends Should Want You To Be Happy, Right? Mine Want Me To Date…

My friends are very dear to me. They’re supportive, help maintain perspective, lift me up when I’m feeling down and don’t draw on my face if/when I pass out drunk. What more could a person ask for? Truly, with friends such as these, you know they just want the best for you, they just want you to be happy… right?

One of said friends recently sent me a picture:

Flirting

And then she texted: “You should start dating again.”

We all know what my flirting is like so I can only conclude that… THE BITCH DOESN’T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY! No, that’d be too boring! She wants me to go on horrible first dates and tell her stories!

At this point, she’d be reminding me of the previous stories and that I’d do the exact same thing to her. Oh. Right. Well she does have a point there.

Stories like the Ugly Laugher, Toight T-shirt, The Lizard King, Voldemort, the one where the guy wore goggles

Ok, so maybe my friendships aren’t based on mutual trust, respect and lerv. They’re based and measured on our ability to entertain each other without killing each other. It may not sound like a lot of criteria and you may think I have a lot of successful friendships based on that – but have you ever tried not to kill an annoying person? I mean a really annoying person. One that’s practically begging for it? After two minutes in their presence you’re sure you’d be doing the world a favor by eradicating this blight from the face of the earth.

Looking back on the list of horrible first dates, she may be right. It may be time to add more stories. I kind of wish it wasn’t at my expense buuuuuut it’ll be something to tell my non-existent grandkids one day!

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