Did I ever tell you about the time I placed an ad on Craigslist for a Houseboy and got seventy responses within an hour? One of which was a poorly written (and, frankly, horrifying) erotic novel.
Warning: if you’re easily scarred or offended by the heinous bastardization of the English language or are frightened by massive walls of text,
do not read this blog post.
You know what, no, I just can’t do it. Posting it here made me reread the first couple sentences and it hurt me. It’s 5000 words! In 5 paragraphs! And calling it English is being far too generous.
Who thinks it’s ok to send an essentially anonymous person on the internet a 5000 word scenario that includes 16″ strap ons and him wearing my underwear and heels?!
That’s not sexy! And certainly not what I was asking for in my ad. I don’t have the exact wording but I wanted a Houseboy – someone to cook and clean for me and massage my feet when I got home from work. At no point did I mention pegging or anything else about sex for that matter. Honestly, I did not expect to receive any responses! I was waiting for my friend to get ready to go out and I had nothing better to do so, naturally, I placed an ad on Craigslist. I mean, what else do you do when you’re bored?
Ok, ok. I can’t not post some of the email… here goes!
“I wrote this from your perspective, as though you wrote it with the intent of sending to me so as I know what to expect….”
omgomgomg I don’t know what to include!
“so it’s lubricated all around and then…” Nope, can’t go there.
“after a satisfying…” Eeek! That’s just no!
“16” black cock.” OMFG!
“realllllllyy enjoying how loud you’re getting and I’m very supportive saying things like, “I know” and “It’s sooooo BIG””
“I then slide my” GAH!
“ps. I see this as being very lighthearted and fun, NOT dark and creepy in any way, hence the day time setting, I like bright and cheerful :)”
Whaaaaaaaat? DUDE! If you have to say that something isn’t “dark and creepy” you’re probably not on the right track. Also, giving a scenario a daytime setting does not preclude it from being creeptastic. Craigslist people are loco. Granted, I should have already known that but even I, in my infinite insanity, did NOT see this one coming. (haha, coming).