Seeking: Houseboy

Did I ever tell you about the time I placed an ad on Craigslist for a Houseboy and got seventy responses within an hour? One of which was a poorly written (and, frankly, horrifying) erotic novel.

Warning: if you’re easily scarred or offended by the heinous bastardization of the English language or are frightened by massive walls of text,

do not read this blog post. 

You know what, no, I just can’t do it. Posting it here made me reread the first couple sentences and it hurt me. It’s 5000 words! In 5 paragraphs! And calling it English is being far too generous.

Who thinks it’s ok to send an essentially anonymous person on the internet a 5000 word scenario that includes 16″ strap ons and him wearing my underwear and heels?!

That’s not sexy! And certainly not what I was asking for in my ad. I don’t have the exact wording but I wanted a Houseboy – someone to  cook and clean for me and massage my feet when I got home from work. At no point did I mention pegging or anything else about sex for that matter. Honestly, I did not expect to receive any responses! I was waiting for my friend to get ready to go out and I had nothing better to do so, naturally, I placed an ad on Craigslist. I mean, what else do you do when you’re bored?

Ok, ok. I can’t not post some of the email… here goes!

I wrote this from your perspective, as though you wrote it with the intent of sending to me so as I know what to expect….”

omgomgomg I don’t know what to include!

so it’s lubricated all around and then…” Nope, can’t go there.

after a satisfying…” Eeek! That’s just no!

16” black cock.” OMFG!

realllllllyy enjoying how loud you’re getting and I’m very supportive saying things like, “I know” and “It’s sooooo BIG””

I then slide my” GAH!

“ps. I see this as being very lighthearted and fun, NOT dark and creepy in any way, hence the day time setting, I like bright and cheerful :)”

Whaaaaaaaat? DUDE! If you have to say that something isn’t “dark and creepy” you’re probably not on the right track. Also, giving a scenario a daytime setting does not preclude it from being creeptastic. Craigslist people are loco. Granted, I should have already known that but even I, in my infinite insanity, did NOT see this one coming. (haha, coming).


One thought on “Seeking: Houseboy

  1. Pingback: Social Experimentation | Crazy with a Chance of Rain

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