Valentine’s Day. You’re Doing It Wrong

Why are boxes of chocolates considered romantic?

Seriously. What genius decided that food known, nay proven, to add inches to your hips was the quintessential symbol of romantic gestures? Why not go with something that shows you care about her safety and security?

I’d rather get a box of condoms.

Flowers and Trojans, that’s the way to my heart. And vagina.

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