All That White Stuff In My Bathroom

I keep finding dried clumps of white stuff clinging to my lotion, my hair spray, my hair dryer, all over the sink… I even found some on the wall today. And I KNOW there’s some on the floor – I’m just not sure where.

It’s not what you’re thinking.

I tried to be a girl. I melted coconut oil and slathered it all over my hair. Well, not at first. At first I didn’t realize I had to melt it. Figured that out after I practically needed a chisel to get it out of the container.

Eventually I got enough into a separate bowl and melted it and proceeded to put the crap in my hair. Then I moved and shit went flying. I swear, I barely moved! It’s not like I felt a sudden and irrepressible urge to head bang. I didn’t! That shit hurts my neck too much. And I can promise you I have no love for haireography (hair + choreography. It was a thing on Glee… I’m pretty sure). But something happened and now, days later, I have clumps everywhere!

Good news is my hair is as soft and shiny as a newly minted puppy (because newly minted coins are shiny and puppies are soft. I’m tired. Go home.)

Bad news is that my shower has become as hazardous to me as a regular shower is to an octogenarian. I’m going to fall and not be able to get up. That bitch is slippery!

The internet all raves about the benefits of using coconut oil in your hair but no one ever mentions that it turns your shower into a death trap when you rinse the oil from your hair causing the non-water soluble OIL to coat your shower floor. Naturally, when you spell it out like that it kind of makes you *facepalm*.

PS. For anyone wanting to try this at home. What they also don’t mention is that the oil, warmed by your body heat, slowly drips from your hair to your neck and shoulders. It’s not a great feeling, let me tell ya. It’s slippery and slimy and kind of feels like someone ghosting their fingers along your neck which, when you’re lounging on the couch facing away from the rest of the presumably empty apartment, is not at all comforting.

2 thoughts on “All That White Stuff In My Bathroom

  1. Do you at least smell all tropical and what not? Do be careful in the shower though. I can assure you as a first responder that shower rescues are more painful for you than they are for us. Most of the time. Lol.

    • No! There was no smell! Can you believe that? I mean, I guess that’s could be a good thing if you’re using coconut oil for one of its million other purposes… I’m gonna start showering in a bathing suit for when (not if, when)I fall in the shower. It’s not going to be a pleasant experience for anyone lol

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